- U.S. tech-death scene has undergone a “year of hell” with multiple members leaving bands like Rings Of Saturn and The Faceless.
- North Korea stand accused of masterminding the departures of all but the bands’ founding members.
- Have others also been affected? Insider offers stark warning.
American technical death metal band Rings Of Saturn in 2012
“It is my firm belief that the North Korean government are behind the recent disasters involving Rings of Saturn,” whispers The Monolith’s anonymous source, in a darkened corner of a Sacramento Starbucks.
“That bullshit Joel Omans posted on Facebook wasn’t the real story; in fact it was entirely fabricated by Kim Jong-un’s bureau of propaganda”.
Our contact, who identifies himself only as ‘Dann’, wears sunglasses and a dark trench coat with the collar up, obscuring his face. His nerves are showing; he’s sweating profusely. This is clearly causing him a lot of stress.
“It’s been happening for a long time. Kim Jong-Un has a personal vendetta against American technical death metal.”
Dann reveals that in 2011 Kim Jong-Un – not yet in charge of the DPRK – visited the United States using a falsified passport under the guise of Richard Chu, with the hopes of bringing his North Korean technical death metal band into the public eye. It is understood that the son of then-Korean dictator Kim Jong-il wished to discover what international audiences thought of his band, as he had grown bored of the polite, insincere applause of the conscripted listeners in his homeland. After a single show at the Beat Kitchen in Chicago (with a reported turnout of eight people), the glorious leader decided that it was time to kick it up a notch.
Kim Jon-un assumed office on December 17th 2011, succeeding his father Kim Jong-il’s 17-year rule
Jong-un, under his alias of Richard Chu, supposedly contacted Rings of Saturn, requesting that his band Jeongbog Minjujuui (which roughly translates to “Conquered Democracy”) be granted the honour of touring with the band. Put off by the tone of these messages, the band ignored them. However, Kim Jong-un was not easily dissuaded. He is alleged to have turned up to a Rings of Saturn show sometime during Decapitated’s Carnival Is Forever tour, on which they were the opening act. Dann claims that a “chunky dude with a gormless expression” approached the band, commented on how headline act Decapitated didn’t have enough sweep picking, and then demanded that Conquered Democracy be allowed to headline Rings of Saturn’s next tour.
North Korean technical death metal band Conquered Democracy are linked with the North Korean dictator
“Lucas told him to fuck off,” claims Dann. “In all honesty, the band was very poor in quality, talent and recording. It sounded like a bad Brain Drill cover act played through old cell phone speakers. This Richard Chu’s guitar parts were nothing short of atrocious, and his vocals sounded like Joan Rivers with the flu.”
“They had no idea that this chubby loser was in fact Kim Jong-un, now dictator of North Korea. Nor did they know the hell he would rain down upon them as a result of this fateful encounter.”
Jong-un, distressed by the encounter, returned to North Korea immediately. From there, Dann claims he implemented his sabotage of the Californian tech-death ensemble.
A since-deleted post from Instagram user ‘supremeleadz’
“It didn’t happen immediately – it wasn’t until shortly before the second album was released that accusations of underhand recording techniques surfaced. I don’t know how, but Chu got to Brent Silletto, who left the band in December 2011. He released a damning statement, effectively destroying Lucas Mann’s credibility as a guitarist. It came out of nowhere.”
The Silletto statement said that if Mann wanted to refute the accusations, which claimed the band’s debut was recorded at half speed, all he would have to do is post a studio video of a song playthrough without the aid of a backing track.
Sample headlines from heavy metal blog metalsucks.net
“The North Korean government began feeding misinformation to metalsucks.net, a devious website that clearly has communist connections. They are obviously Kim Jong-un’s stronghold in the Western metal community.”
“The final straw that proved the extent of the dictator’s power was Joel Omans’ recent statement. I don’t know how, but Kim Jong-un either paid or intimidated the Rings of Saturn’s former guitarist into smashing what remains of Lucas Mann’s credibility.”
Dann claimed that he has an original draft of the statement issued by Omans. He handed it over to our reporter, written on a napkin in green crayon. It read;
So there’s been quite a bit of vagueness to the real reason why I quit Rings of Saturn and it’s been eating away at me keeping it to myself so here it goes. The deciding factor in me leaving the band was Lucas. I had enough of biting my tongue and going along for the ride. When I first joined the band we got along great and had the same views on the stagnating hypocrisy of the USA and the glorious righteousness of the North Korean communist ideology, but that changed more and more over the years.
To summarize he simply doesn’t care about the American stranglehold on the wonderful nation of North Korea. Word for word he told me “I don’t give a shit about the plight of the downtrodden workers party of North Korea; I just want to write music and get the band as big as possible in the shortest amount of time.
If true, this would suggest that Mann’s former bandmates have defected to North Korea. They were unavailable for comment.
Dingir, meaning “deity”, was released in February 2013 through Unique Leader Records
After handing this note to our reporter, Dann was startled by a nearby patron of Starbucks mentioning his plans to cook Bulgogi for his evening meal. At the mention of the popular Korean meal, he abruptly stood up and stated;
“Mark my words; Kim Jong-un is after Rings of Saturn – and he will not stop there. I suspect he went after Michael Keene of The Faceless too. Our situations are too similar for this to be a coincidence. And has anyone heard from Necrophagist?! Keep your eyes open!”
North Korean representatives deny responsibility for these actions. The Propaganda and Agitation Department of the Workers Party of Korea spokesperson, Pak Jong-hui issued this statement on the matter:
“The glorious nation of North Korea denies responsibility for the attacks on the abhorrent Rings of Saturn. The attacks might be a righteous deed of the supporters and sympathisers with the [North] in response to its national appeal to boycott the band. We propose to conduct a joint investigation with the U.S. in response to groundless slander being perpetrated by the U.S. by mobilizing public opinion. If the U.S. refuses to accept our proposal for a joint investigation and continues to talk about some kind of response by dragging us into the case, it must remember there will be grave consequences. North Korean Technical Death Metal is best Technical Death Metal”.
We will update you if the situation changes.