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Federico Paulovich of Destrage faces The Monolith at Tech Fest 2014

Federico Paulovich of Destrage

Although they’re now three albums deep – with their latest, Are You Kidding Me? No, reviewed here – Milanese quintet Destrage are really starting to catch the eyes and ears of the tech-metal crowd in particular – and so a venue like Tech Fest is the perfect stage for their UK debut.

Playing mid-afternoon on the Sunday, they were part of the “best hour of music” of the whole festival, and had even inspired one fan to dress in full zombie-marathoner gear. They’re absolutely incredible musicians, and we were delighted to have the opportunity to talk to drummer extraordinaire Federico Paulovich later that day.

In true Monolithic style, we asked him about fighting, football, and helicoptering his penis:

Quigs: Who the fuck are you, and why should we care?

Federico: Well, we are five random dudes from Milan, we just play the music that we like to play and we don’t care about how people choose to define music. Everybody is always asking what type of music do we play and we never know how to answer that. So, we just play whatever we like, and hopefully you’ll like it too! I’m Fede, and I play drums.

Q: If you could time travel to any gig in history, who would you see?

F: Frank Zappa.

Q: You’re the second person to say that – everyone else always says Metallica or Queen, but Frank Zappa is the man.

F: Yeah! Of course, I also went to Sonisphere two weeks ago, and I was on stage with Metallica.

Q: Oh, that’s awesome.

F: Yeah! (Laughs)

Q: Would you rather be trapped in a swimming pool with a great white shark, or a basement with a bear?

F: (Laughs) Oh, Jesus Christ! None of them! But if I had to, maybe the first one.

Q: You fancy your chances with a shark then?

F: Yeah, because I heard that if you turn a great white shark upside down, they get completely fucked up and can’t understand anything. So, if I just manage to turn a shark upside down, I’ll be fine!

C: See, everyone just says “I’ll punch it on the nose”, but that’s a unique approach.
Q: It’s like being a matador, just dodge it and then flip it over.

F: Yeah, exactly!

Q: You’re given a boat, what do you name it?

F: Eliza. My girlfriend.

Q & C: Awwwww. That’s awesome. Everyone is normally like, “spunk!” or something.

F: (Laughs)

Q: Earning points for when you get home.

F: Exactly, she’ll approve.

Q: Which band on the Tech Fest bill could you guys comfortably beat in a fight?

F: I would say Alaya, because we’re friends.

Q: Dave, the drummer, he’s an MMA guy though.

F: Oh, really? Oh no, well, I’d probably use a gun. (Laughs)

Q: Well, they do live in Chicago, they should have prepared for that.

F: Yeah, exactly! (Laughs)

Q: Who would win in a fight – Batman or Ironman?

F: It’s curious that you choose the only two superheroes without superpowers, so I think the one who has more money will win. (Laughs)

Q: They’ll just buy out each other.

F: Yeah, exactly! I don’t know who the richest one is between Batman and Ironman though… Probably Batman.

Q: They’ll buy each other out until the economy collapses, everyone loses.

F: Exactly.

Q: If you guys were stranded on a desert island, which band member would you eat first?

F: Oh! Ralph [Salati, guitar]. He’s the fattest one.

(Everyone laughs)

F: And also, he stinks very bad. So, once he’s gone, you eat it, and it’s done.

Q: I’m sure he’ll appreciate this interview.

F: Of course! (Laughs) He keeps on eating everything, so he deserves it.

Q: Would you rather watch your parents have sex every day of your life, or join in once to make it stop?

(Fede breaks down into hysterical laughter. Paolo, the vocalist, calls over in Italian. Fede explains the question in Italian, and they both start laughing.)

F: Oh, God! That is creepy! I don’t know, it depends what you mean by joining in, like, I just show up, and maybe make the helicopter with my penis?

(Everyone laughs)

C: I think that’s such a hilarious answer that we’ll allow that.

F: Cool!

(More laughter)

Q: On a similar tangent – who has the band MILF?

F: I’ve never seen Gabriel’s Mum, and I’ve known him for seven years, and Ralph doesn’t have a Mum anymore. So, I have to choose between three mums, and one of them is mine – so I’d probably say mine. (Explosive laughter.)

C: Are you a football fan?

F: Yeah, I used to be an AC Milan supporter, but I don’t really care much anymore.

C: Okay, so here’s the question from The Safety Fire: Maldini or Pirlo?

F: Maldini.

C: Why?

F: Because he’s the Captain. Got to support the flag.

C: Yeah, makes sense.
Q: Chris is the football guy, I know nothing!

F: What team do you support?

C: Newcastle. We only have one Italian.

F: Who?

C:  Davide Santon

F: Oh yeah, he used to play for Inter.

C: Yeah, he’s alright. He’s not bad. He doesn’t get into the Italian team.

F: Yeah, I’m not much into football anymore.

Q: Here’s a music question for you – if you guys were going to tour the UK, who would you like to tour with?

F: Sikth! Of course!

C: Have they announced supports for later in the year? Because they’re doing a small tour around the UK in October/November…

F: Well, let’s go and find them and talk to them!

Q: Yeah, find Pin and just hold him…well, actually you can’t hold him down.

(Everybody laughs)

C: He’ll take it as an invitation to fight you.
Q: And then you wouldn’t be able to play at all.

F: Haha, yeah, I’m like the thinnest guy, I can’t beat anyone in a fight!

Destrage have a few Italian festival appearances over the next month or so, then will then be traversing Europe with Protest The Hero, The Faceless and The Contortionist throughout November and December – although will regrettably be bypassing the UK date. You make us sad, Destrage!

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