Chris and Adam of Monuments brave our questions at Tech Fest 2014
Whilst their success seems to have been steady within the metal world at large, within the British tech metal community, Monuments are already approaching legendary status. With only two albums under their belt, they’ve already found a formidable forumula, and the five piece were well received in their Saturday night headline slot, despite a multitude of technical issues.
Naturally we had to snag a couple of them for our now infamous interview, and it was bassist Adam Swan and vocalist Chris Barretto who drew the short straws to answer our questions by picking numbers at random and getting asked the corresponding one!
Simon: Who the fuck are you, and why should we care?
Adam: I’m not sure you should. *laughs*
Chris: I’ve got a beer on! Um, we’re Monuments.
Adam: I’ve got a big huge dick. Why should you care? I don’t know, because you gon’ get fucked. *laughs* I guess because it’s the grooviest music around, it will make your body move.
Chris: It will!
Adam: It will. That’s why you should care really. Best ribs.
Simon: Which other band on the Tech Fest bill could you comfortably beat in a fight?
Chris: *laughs* Every one, every single one! *laughs*
Simon: You’ll take them all on?
Chris: Nobody would even come close, they wouldn’t even make it past the first round.
Adam: Jon Gomm might have something up his sleeve.
Chris: *laughs* He might hit you with the fucking guitar right over the head.
Adam: Some ninja shit, like Shaolin-style.
Chris: Yeah, I ain’t worried about that.
Simon: What was your favorite cartoon when you were a kid?
Adam: Depends…something with loads of NLP (neurolinguistic programming) in it. Some Disney or some shit.
Chris: Pink Panther.
Adam: I really used to like X-Men. X-Men was great. The original one.
Chris: *sing theme tune*
Adam: And I could never get enough of it. I never managed to get all the way through the series or anything. It really pissed me off and made me want more. Just watching the same ol’ VHS over and over again, wanking over it.
Simon: Dudes in wheelchairs is your thing, is it?
Adam: Yeah. Bald. Decrepit. In my mind.
Simon What’d be your specialist subject on Mastermind?
Adam: Weed. Growing weed. I’d be pretty good at that.
Chris: I’m good with both my hands, and my mouth.
Adam: The life of Charlie Parker.
Chris: I mean, that didn’t necessarily have to be sexual! I’m a saxophone player!
Adam: You could talk about saxophones.
Chris: Ladies, if you listenin’…I’m glistenin’.
Simon: Which days of this festival’s lineup would triumph against the others in a fight, and why?
Adam: Well with SikTh, Dan Weller’s pretty big. Sikth would be scary.
Chris: That’s the only one really.
Adam: You never know if Pin [SikTh]’s gonna take you out.
Chris: Dude, Tony [Marshall] in Friend For A Foe has got arms that are the size of everybody. But he’s not hatefueled. I think Olly [Steele, Monuments] would get through one of the SikTh members. Pin probably would break his neck.
Adam: We do have John though, as backup.
Chris: We DO have John. We have the Germinator. We’ve got Bean.
Adam: I think we’d fuck ‘em up. We try and favor everyone.
Chris: I mean *crack* Give ‘em the elbow. People’s Elbow.
Simon: Describe your band with a film title.
Chris: Boogie Nights.
Simon: That’s a good one.
Adam: We’ll go with that.
Simon: Would you rather be trapped in a lift with a scorpion or a sports hall with a tiger?
Adam: Scorpion obviously; you’d step on it.
Simon: We’ll have to establish a rule of no shoes.
Chris: You could punch it.
Adam: Is it a poisonous scorpion? I’d take the scorpion.
Simon: Of course!
Chris: I think I want the kitty. I wanna give it a hug.
Simon: Try and reason with it.
Chris: They’re intelligent!
Adam: Dude just wants a treat.
Simon: Would you rather watch your parents have sex every day of your life, or join in once to stop it?
Chris: *laughing* Oh god, this is all awful, this is all awful! No no no, neither, nothing, nothing.
Adam: Join in.
Chris: It’s not….eurghl!
Adam: For an eternity? Is it make a decision now or rot in an eternity of parent sex?
Simon: It’s for the rest of their natural lives.
Chris: I don’t like that question.
Simon: No-one likes that question!
Adam: Just give your dad a finger in the bum!
Chris: Does it help that my dad is now dead?
Adam: Oh shit. I ran into someone from college the other day – sorry about this – and he’s from Argentina, and he found out that your dad was your dad (Ray Barretto), and he lost it. “This is the GUY, man! This is the guy that made everything salsa!”. He had hitmen out for his hands and shit. I don’t know if that’s true, but there are myths, like urban myths about him.
Chris: There are myths man.
Adam: Join in, join in. He has got great hands.
Chris: It runs in the family! That was an uncomfortable question.
Simon: Yeah! Everyone says number 13, I think I’ve asked that to everyone. Lastly: if you could time-travel to any gig in history, what would you see?
Adam: That one with Bob Marley where he made the politicians’ hands touch (One Love Peace Concert).
Chris: That’s hard. I would pick three, actually. It’s either John Coltrane and his quartet – I forget which gig it was, but there’s video footage and they’re killing it. Charlie Parker with Dizzy Gillespie any time, and then either a Débussy or Ravel performance.
Adam: Pantera man.
Simon: When they got drunk and crap?
Adam: Even when they got drunk.
Chris: Still Pantera man. *growls*
Simon: Awesome. Well I think that will do us!
Monuments are currently engaged in the first couple of around five months of touring around the U.S. (at the moment, with Glass Cloud, Scale The Summit and Erra), Europe (with After The Burial), and beyond, so there’s a pretty good chance you can catch them some time before Christmas!
Previous Tech Fest interviews: