Steve from Meta-Stasis out-grosses our gross interview questions – result!
Not Steve, but close enough. Photo credit: Katie Croft, KTcroft Photography
The first of the main three headline acts on Saturday at Tech Fest, Meta-Stasis were another returning act for the festival, who stepped in last-minute to replace The Eyes Of A Traitor.
We must admit we missed them last year, but as Mark’s glowing report shows, they were a sight to see this year. Be-decked in a sort of jungle war paint (see vocalist Jeremy above), the band were very much about stage presence, but had the technical chops to pull off their extreme metal compositions with ease. They come off as just a little bit unhinged…
We got a chance to sit down with Steve Dickson, keyboard player and general blue-haired, masked lunactic, and find out just how fucked up they are:
Quigs: Who the fuck are you, and why should we care?
Steve: That’s a fair comment. I’m Steve, from Meta-Stasis, and we are the only band that does insane jungle tech-death metal, in the world, as far as we’re concerned. And I’m talking filthy disgusting tech-death. Basically, that’s why we’re sat here talking to you right now because what we have is beautiful in its ugliness.
Q: That’s a very eloquent answer.
Q: Most people just say “Uh, I dunno.”
S: Yeah, absolutely!
Chris: Describe the band with a film title.
S: It would be all of the Saw films, rolled into one, without the build-up scenes. (Laughs) Just all the gory horrible mess throughout – that kinda describes us perfectly to be fair. You might get a little sprinkling of “ding ding ding”, like music box chimes and weird stuff going on – but then something ridiculous will happen again. That’s us to a tee.
Q: Would you rather, watch your parents have sex, every single day of your life, or join in once to make it stop?
S: Fucking hell, this is the best interview! (Laughs) I would say, join in every day for the rest of my life because I love them that much and we should share the love together.
C: Awww, that’s kinda sweet in a really disturbing way.
S: I suppose that’s about as fucked up as I can get in an interview.
Q: You’re stranded on a desert island, which band member do you eat first?
S: Probably Paul because he’s the biggest and would last the longest and everyone would be able to eat off him for a little while, so we’d all live longer and be okay. In terms of preservation, that would probably make the most sense.
Q: But won’t the meat go off?
S: Not if you hang it up and cure it.
C: Are any of you an expert in that?
S: No, but I have watched 3 episodes of Bear Grylls Ultimate Survival.
S: Yeah, Paul definitely. Thing is, he’s also the most twisted motherfucker in the band so he’ll probably taste awful. I have no idea what he gets up to, but he talks about things he supposedly gets up to and…you know what, it’s probably the worst choice thinking about it. (Laughs) But yeah, fuck it, I’ll stick with Paul for the reasons I said.
Q: You’re in charge of the country for an hour – you can make one thing legal, and one thing illegal – what do you do?
S: I would make cannabis legal, probably millions of people have said that already. As for illegal, I would limit profit. I would make it illegal to earn over a certain amount of money. When you get to a certain point, and I’m talking millions here, like, you earn 50 or 100 million. At that point, you’re no longer allowed to earn anymore, and every single penny you earn after that is automatically delegated to good causes. Now, that’s not necessarily a Meta-Stasis answer, that’s more my own personal perspective, but despite us being all fucked up idiots we do actually give a shit.
C: You’ve got morals.
S: Absolutely, yeah!
Q: The spouse of the person you’re fucking comes home, where do you hide?
S: I don’t. I say “That was fucking amazing, Fuck you, where are you going? You’re leaving!”
S: Yeah, just front him, or her.
Q: Why not, life’s too short.
C: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?
S: I didn’t really put this in my mouth willingly, but I’ve had a seagull shit in my mouth.
C: Oh no!
S: I was cycling down the busy main, high street, and someone called my name, or at least I thought they did, and I looked over my shoulder and as I turned, a well aimed shit just landed straight in my mouth. It was peach, right, fucking white and green, the worst taste ever.
Q: Best shot ever.
S: It was a cracking shot. It was bang on! And I was spitting it out in the street and everyone was just looking at me, and going eugh! I don’t like to put shit in my mouth, but that happened.
C: What did it taste like?
S: I can still taste it now. Horrible salty, oystery, kinda really fluidy – kinda like phlegm texture, but only part of it is – you know when you like break an egg and there’s the runny bit that gets a bit more lumpy in the middle? It was kinda like that, but like an oyster and phlegm and it was just fucking rank. Very acidic. Salty. *Makes gagging sound*.
Q: I’m no longer hungry.
Q: Actually, the worst thing is, I’m still very hungry.
Q: But, in all seriousness, I know how you feel man, I once ate horse shit, accidentally, obviously.
Q: Yeah. When I was younger, I used to go horse riding a lot, and one of the days when we’re meant to clean out the stables and stuff, I fell face first in some shit and swallowed it.
C: Was it old, or was it steamy?
S: Steamy! (Laughs)
Q: It was old man, it was just dry. It was just the driest thing, that’s all it tasted of, just dryness.
S: Oh God!
Q: Yeah, just my mouth, my throat, it was dryer than the desert. And chewy. Scratchy, rough.
S: Awwww, no! What about, you Chris?
C: Errmmmm…I really don’t know.
Q: It’s more of a group discussion now!
C: We ask all these questions and sometimes they get turned back on us – and it’s difficult to answer.
Q: Have a think, and I’ll ask Steve the next question. What would be your specialist subject on Mastermind?
S: Errrrrrrrrr, I would have to say, fucking hell, I’d have to say metal as a genre
S: To be honest with you, yeah
Q: That’s a wide spectrum
S: It’s very wide yeah
Q: How about tech-death, just like, specifically, or?
S: Erm, I could zoom in I suppose
Q: Or just death metal? ‘Cause, obviously Mastermind’s really specific.
S: Absolutely, when you put it like that, yeah fucking hell
Q: Like some people are like The Diary of Anne Frank, you know just the one, like, thing.
S: Yeah. Erm I, I, I Fucking hell that’s a really tough question I don’t necessarily have anything which I’m extremely detailed in
S: But there’s a range of things that I err, know quite well you know? Erm, I was trying to think about somebody else, Jeremy our singer is an artist, he’s a fucking incredible artist, he’s an art teacher as well at school and so on and the art work that he presents is incredible. So I’m actually gonna put that answer forward on behalf of Jeremy because I don’t know anybody else that seems to know so much about a particular subject like he does with art.
Q: You’re given a boat. What do you name it? And you can’t name it your band.
S: HMS Skullfucked
Q: Nice (Laughs)
S: Yeah, I’d love to be able to pull into harbour and like, call the guys and say “Ok this is HMS Skullfucked, would you like to board?”
Q: HMS Donkey Punch
S: Yeah, I love it. Definitely.
Q: Awesome. Best cartoon when you were a kid?
S: Fucking hell. Stoppit and Tidyup. I still love it now, it’s ridiculous
C: I’ve never seen it
Q: Have you not?
S: Stoppit and Tidyup. The Trap Door.
C: No,no, no wait, I think I have
Q: The Trap Door’s amazing
S: It’s just stop frame animation with little er, bits of putty
C: Was it two characters, one was called Stoppit and one was called Tidyup?
S: That’s right yeah, Trapdoor.
C: I can’t visualise it
Q: Trapdoor is just incredible
S: The dialogue is essentially ‘mehr’, ‘err’ *noises* and that’s it, I mean
C: But you understand it perfectly
S: Yeah. It’s a bit like Pingu except Pingu was after, it was too late. Pingu you missed the boat *more noises* that’s where it’s at though.
C: Yeah cool
Q: I do have to ask, just a couple of ones that turn up in all the ones. What other Tech Fest band could you comfortably beat in a fight?
S: All of them
S: All of them, yeah
Q: That’s what everyone says.
S: A couple of guys in our band, and I’m not just saying this, are fucking lethal bastards when they wanna be, and a lot of the Tech guys, and I say this with love obviously, are a bit smaller, skinnier. Jeremy, our singer is a fucking tank. Paul is a psycho erm, I mean fucking hell some of the shit that he’s told me about his past and that
S: He’s like my best friend, I’m like “I’m keeping you close ‘cause I don’t want you as an enemy.” Dave’s the only flower in the band and he’s fucking lovely but, he’s a big softy, he’s just a big hippy dippy, he just goes “ yeah man, everything’s lovely”. Jeremy, our singer is from Ted Maul, ex-Ted Maul singer, we call him the Angry Troll ‘cause he’s just “fucking hell man (accented)”, just wandering round like, tanked. So yeah, I’d say that.
Q: Fair enough mate, and err. Would you rather be trapped in a swimming pool with a great white shark, or in a basement with a bear?
S: Am I allowed to have anything with me or is it just me, in a pair of pants
Q: Just you, yeah
S: Just set the scene, okay. Then I would say, with the shark because I don’t think I could beat either of the fuckers to be honest with you so if I’m gonna die I’d rather be eaten by a shark and get it over quick, probably just put my head in its fucking mouth and get it done, ‘cause the bear would probably whack me about, cut me to ribbons with his claws you know, and beat the shit out of me but I’d probably be able to take that for a while and that in itself would mean I’d just be sat there thinking “fucking hell when’s this gonna end?” so definitely the shark, let’s get it done
Q: Have you seen The Grizzly Man?
Q: There’s a guy who gets killed by grizzlies, and they find his ribcage but like they basically, the camera was, he was like a documentarian and err, the camera was rolling when he was killed, you don’t see the, there was no visual but the audio, you hear it and like, apparently like the bear literally had its teeth in his skull and he was like screaming like.. yeah so…
S: Oh God! That’s disturbing
Q: Yeah the worst thing was his girlfriend tried to like, he was like, well he just screamed to her “run, just run” but she attacked the bear with a frying pan
S: Brilliant, genius. I can just imagine the audio, there’s one biting into his skull as she goes ‘dong’ *sound effects*. Fucking hell. That’s awful.
S: This actually happened?
Q: I tell you what, we’ll end the interview and I’ll tell you the rest of it
C: Yeah so we’ll do the final two then, which is obviously your question for the next band and then the one from the previous band, which is: if your band was made into the Human Centipede, who would go where?
S: Jeremy the singer, being somewhat of the leader of the band anyway would just, I’d argue would be at the front, just how it is. Paul being the twisted fuck that he is would actually probably volunteer to be at the back, ‘cause it’d be a laugh to see what madness would happen and then, you know, as for the in betweens, I mean that’s kinda negligible to us we’d be like “fuck it, I’ll go there, you go there, we don’t give a shit” but as far as those two are concerned, I mean Paul just to give you a bit of detail when we were driving up here he was in the car and he’s staring out into the fields, he saw a load of cows and he’s gone “its weird innit you know, people actually like, stick their fists up cow’s arses and try and fuck animals and stuff like that” and I’m driving, thinking “what the fuck is going on in your head that you actually not only thought it but then felt it necessary to verbalise that and make a point of it as we were driving past a load of cows” I mean I just saw a load of cows, just ‘meh, whatever’ you know so that gives you an insight into how fucked up Paul is, he’s that twisted so yeah he’d definitely be at the back and he would revel in it.
Q: And what question would you ask the next band?
S: Erm, give me a second ‘cause I wasn’t prepared for this one. You have a choice between shitting yourself in bed constantly for a month, you have to lie there for a month, not move. Or, shitting into Vanessa Felts’ cunt and then fucking her for a week.
The answer is “pretty fucked up” then. Meta-Stasis are hard at work on album number 2, which we hope will see release before the end of the year. They’re definitely ones to keep an eye on.
Previous Tech Fest interviews: