Watch Chimaira’s Mark Hunter flail around in a bathtub of blood in a desperate bid to get your attention about his new album
Chimaira are a band that has had so many line-up changes in the past few albums that Periphery are starting to worry about their spot in the Guinness Book of Records. To prove that they’re still Chimaira (or the Mark Hunter Experience, as I like to call them); they’ve gone and released a new album. Crown of Phantoms came out yesterday in the US (August 10th in Europe) and marks their seventh effort. So there’s that to check out.
In case the mere mention of their name doesn’t encourage you to buy it, they’ve released a video for their new single; “All That’s Left Is Blood”. Now, for as long as I’ve been into metal, Chimaira have been around and doing their thing. I’m not entirely sure what their thing actually is, but they’ve been doing it. Personally, I find Chimaira to be the physical incarnation of “meh”. The Impossibility of Reason had some beastly tracks on it (FUCK YOUR POWER TRIIIIIIP!), as did Resurrection, but everything else has merely ranged between “mediocre” to “even more mediocre”. “All That’s Left Is Blood” sadly does nothing to buck this trend.
It doesn’t exactly begin in the most encouraging way, as the song greets us with a riff that’s about as powerful as being prodded by a pensioner. This guitarwork is complemented by equally mid-card vocals. Sure, it has a heavy atmosphere and a degree of intensity, but nothing that blows you away in the slightest. If Vageta were to be writing this review, he would say; “THE POWER LEVEL…IT’S OVER…oh wait, it’s only 500, I could probably take that”. I would like to take the time to mention that Chimaira’s keyboardist is about as useful as a dildo made of bubbles. What does he actually do? I’ve heard a lot of Chimaira, and I am sure I’ve heard maybe one or two notes played. Over the course of seven albums. He’s even more useless than the singer from Lacuna Coil without the tits.
In addition to the uninspiring music, we are subjected to an equally dull video accompaniment. Mark fucks about in a bathtub filled with blood for a while. Not entirely sure what his motive is for such a task, but I’m assuming it’s something along the lines of “HEY GUYS, THIS SONG IS KINDA ABOUT BLOOD, SO LIKE…I’M GONNA HANG OUT IN THIS BATHTUB, YA DIG?”. When not enjoying his crimson bubblebath, Mark is flailing about in a ridiculously white room with his new band
slaves mates. The lighting is just as bad as everything else this video puts forward – it’s overly bright and blurry, and not even in the artistic way we see in that Mnemic video where Michael Bøgballe wears those hideous trousers. Nothing really happens in the video, so you might as well not even watch it.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Chimaira are not a terrible band. They’re just not a good band either. This new song, however, barely makes it into the “I suppose it’s ok” bracket. It’s just not good. Absolutely nothing stands out in this song. If you want to listen to boring, generic, modern metal, then this is the band for you. If you want something different, if you want something interesting and exciting – then avoid this band and their new music at all costs.