No Consequence hold the honour of being on of the few acts to play every single Tech Fest so far. Even so, they were a last minute addition to the lineup after a few dropouts, but they are always happy to step in, and in playing the Early Bird Thursday maintained their record. We spoke to three fifths of the lineup about inappropriate song choices, enthusiastic Germans, and pint shots…
Kaan: What’s up, this is Kaan from No Consequence, and I can kick small children in the head quite easily!
Colin: And you’re the singer?
Kaan: And I’m the singer!
Colin: Hi, it’s Colin, from No Consequence, I’m the drummer, and I have a very fetching Drilldo.
Dan: Hi, I’m Dan from No Consequence, I play guitar, and I’m very slightly taller than Kaan.
Colin: And autistic.
Read our review of No Consequence’s 2015 album Vimana here!
Who should be the next Prime Minister?
Kaan: Akala! Do you know the rapper Akala?
Yeah, I do.
Kaan: Yeah, he should be the next PM.
Dan: Real talk!
Kaan: None of the above, we’ll have him.
Best thing about being in a band?
Colin: Being able to drink every day. Playing every day, getting to see all your friends, basically being invited to a festival and being able to play here, it’s so cool.
Kaan: Colin. Dan.
Colin: Mainly, Dan.
Kaan: Probably, Dan.
Colin: Yeah, definitely Dan.
Kaan: People actually liking what we do. It’s strange, you kinda become a little numb to it, not numb to it, but when people..
Colin: When people sing your lyrics back to you.
Kaan: Words! Yeah! That’s the weirdest part. Sorry, I didn’t really word that properly.
Colin: We met some dude that had our lyrics tattooed onto his arm.
Colin: And you’re just like “What the fuck is wrong with you?” (Laughs)
Kaan: We just make this music because we want to well..
Dan: Just play our music!
Kaan: Yeah! And the fact that people can get attached to that is probably the craziest part. Because there’s people that don’t even speak the language – they’ll know your words in English, but they wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with you. That’s the craziest part to me.
Dan: It’s that universal language that anyone can appreciate.
Kaan: Yeah, and all you’re doing is twanging your little strings.
Dan: Or twanging your little vocal chords.
Colin: Or kicking little kids in the head. (laughs)
Dan Reid and Kaan Tasan. Photo by Evie Murphy
Best tour story?
Kaan: We played a horrendously named festival, which then changed its name, called Djentival in Karlsruhe . It was our first time ever going to that part of Germany. It was a good few years ago now. We turned up, didn’t really know what to expect, like Chimp Spanner, Monuments, Structures, The Algorithm were playing, so it was a little bit of a Basick fest in that sense. And then there was a room of about two or three hundred Germans, who as soon as they heard the songs were just going mental. Drinking beers, and we literally fucked a song half way through because the backing track fucked up, and they didn’t give a shit, it was great.
Dan: Start again!
Kaan: Yeah, and they just absolutely fucking loved it. So that’s my personal best.
Colin: That was the first time we got encored and we didn’t have any other songs, so we just played the first one again.
Kaan: On our first tour, it was us, Evita, and A Dark Orbit. It was a Basick tour, at the time. Man, it’s really fucking bad when you think about it now. You sure?
Go ahead, man.
Kaan: Basically, we were driving in a convoy down the middle, Evita were at the back, we were in the middle, and A Dark Orbit were in the front. In the gap, between our van and Evita’s van, some dude had jumped off a bridge and hung himself. Essentially he hit the front of their van, and his body smashed through their windscreen. They had this crazy skidding stop, we didn’t even realise and just kept driving until we got to wherever it was we were going. We stopped, and were like “what the fuck is going on?” So, we called them and couldn’t get through to them, and basically some dude had just killed himself by essentially jumping into their van, whilst still hanging himself from a bridge. And that was about three days into the tour, and it was just, wow.
Colin: That shit stays with you for life.
Kaan: Yeah, that’s obviously the worst.
All: Craziest! Yeah, we’ll pick this up!
Colin: Kinda got two. We went on tour with Promethean, who are basically the funnest fucking guys we’ve ever been on tour with.
Kaan: Basically, yeah.
Colin: Wait, am I allowed to swear? We’ve already sweared, right?
Colin: Good. PISS! TWAT! CUNT! Anyway, the first one – we were on the cusp of Luxembourg and France, we played a relatively shit show, and so we had a lock-in with this dude, and we’re doing Irish carbombs and all sorts, because it’s the bartenders birthday. So basically…we’ve got this all on video as well! The sound guy and the bar tender are doing a pint shot, who can down it first, and the drummer gets on a stool and pulls his arse out, and we’re all like “Whey!” Y’know, it’s funny. And they both, down it and the bartender wins, but he’s still got a bit of drink in his mouth, and he clocks the dude’s arse, and because he’s waving his arse – the bartender pulls the drummer’s arse cheeks apart and spits the rest of his pint up his ass.
Kaan: Up his butt.
Colin: And it’s just shock, fucking what?
Dan: I can’t believe he actually did that.
Kaan: It’s unreal.
Colin: It was like a foot away from my face, man!
Kaan: You know how in romantic comedies there’s that vinyl scratch moment where the atmosphere is disrupted, and everyone just stops and goes “What?!” And this is in the middle of a lock-in, where we’re just playing our own music and being complete pricks, and everyone just goes “Hang on a minute, what’s going on here?” Yeah, and he just acted like nothing fucking happened.
Colin: Second one, just real quick, was they put us up in a show in Switzerland in a sports hall…
Colin: But they didn’t lock the equipment cupboard.
Colin: So as soon as we walk in, the Promethean boys are already there, and it’s just like fucking savage dogeball…
Kaan: Trampolines, basketballs, balls were flying everywhere!
Dan: All sorts of gymnastic equipment!
Colin: And they had the crash mats out and stuff.
Kaan: We hit like a trampoline, onto the basketball hoop, with loads of crash mats underneath it and shit.
Colin: That was so much fun!
Kaan: And everyone was throwing tennis balls at you.
Dan: And then the Swiss guys got naked.
Colin: The Swiss like to get their dicks out. You just get used to it.
Kaan: Tour lyfe.
(a pretty distant) Colin Bentham and Kaan Tasan. Photo by Evie Murphy
If you could trade one band member for someone famous, who would it be?
All: (instantly) Tom!
Kaan: (Laughs) Well, Tom’s the member.
Colin: Well yeah, the bassist always gets the bum deal here.
Dan: Who could replace Tom?
Colin: Sanchez from Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace. I can’t remember what his name actually is!
Kaan: I haven’t got a fucking clue.
Colin: Yeah, I don’t know what his name is.
Colin: The dude with the afro.
Colin: Okay, cool, yeah, him!
Kaan: What about, well I’d like to have a pint with someone like Colin Farrell, because he seems like an absolute joker.
Dan: But can he play bass?
Colin: It doesn’t matter. We’ll put him on the backing track, man.
Kaan: Can Tom?
(Everyone laughs hysterically).
Song association: Your funeral?
Colin: “Eaten” by Bloodbath.
Kaan: “Be Quiet And Drive” by Deftones.
Dan: It’s gotta be some Justin Timberlake.
Kaan: What song, mate?
Dan: I dunno, all of them?
Colin: At the same time.
Kaan: We actually have a funny story about this.
Colin: Yeah, it’s great.
Kaan: Our old bass player, after a couple of years of leaving the band he got married, and basically he played one of our songs off the first album, as they were walking down the aisle. They’d just got married…
Colin: It was the most awkward thing.
Kaan: It was so awkward!
Colin: There’s just us there…
Kaan: …And all his family!
Colin: And they were all like “What the fuck is this?!”.
Kaan: It’s a song called “Latitudes“, and the opening is sorta epic and soft, and they were all “Oh, this is lovely,” and then when the screaming comes in and the fast beat starts playing, everyone is looking at each other, like “what the fuck”. And we’re all like “WHEY!” and clapping.
Colin: Oh man.
Kaan: Yeah, it was pretty painful. But, anyway, what’s your song?
Colin: I’m not sure.
Kaan: I got one. “Bump N’ Grind” – R Kelly.
Dan: Oh my word. What about, Craig David – “7 Days“?
Colin: Yeah, that’ll do.
Kaan: No, hold on, that’s about meeting a girl, and banging her in 3 days and then being done with her. Colin?
Colin: “Kill You” by Eminem (laughs)
Kaan: The Champion’s League Football song.
Colin: (incredulous) The Champion’s League Football song?
Kaan: Yeah! Well, I know you guys don’t really follow football, and I actually have no idea what it’s called, but *sings it*
Dan: Well, if we’re doing themes then I pick the Pokemon theme tune.
Colin: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH NICE!
Kaan: Good tune! Bucky O’Hare! I’ll take Bucky O’Hare. I grew up before you.
Colin: I would have “PonPonPon” by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu
*Kaan laughs hysterically*
Colin: If you’ve never heard that, there’s a wicked site called WTF Japan series, and it’s all the most fucked up videos from Japan, and you should check it out!
Knock yourselves out, kids…
Kaan: God, that’s painful.
Dan: Rick Astley – “Never Gonna Give You Up”
Colin: “The Final Countdown” by Europe.
Kaan: Nice! Nice! That’s a good one!
Dan: That’s nice.
Kaan: What have I got? I’ve got fucking nothing! Errr…
Colin: “Stripped, Raped & Strangled“.
Kaan: By who?
Colin: Cannibal Corpse, of course!
Kaan: I will say “The Fake Sound Of Progress” by Lostprophets.
Colin: And he DEFINITELY progressed.
Dan: Oh no.
(everyone laughs and groans)
Kaan: *sings* “Hey Mickey you so fine, hey mickey uh uh uh hey mickey!”
Colin: What the Daphne & Celeste one?
Colin: Yeah, that’s fair enough.
Dan: Meshuggah – “Concatenation”
Kaan: Yeah, but does it make you angry, or do you just appreciate it.
Dan: That’s a good point, actually.
Colin: I’d say it’s definitely *sarcastically sings* “work work work work work work work work work work” etc.
Kaan: Oh fucking hell, we are PLAGUED by Rihanna! She keeps on coming back like…
Kaan: …all the work work work bullshit. Me and Colin live together and it’s just so fucking ahhh.
Colin: I don’t mind some of her older stuff, man, it’s just fucking annoying.
Q: That song plays on repeat at the gym.
All: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
Q: Every time I take my headphones off, even for just a moment, it’s either that or the Justin Bieber track.
(They all laugh)
Kaan: Yeah, fuck that cunt.
Colin: Yeah, except I’m serious. (Laughs) And then I’d hit her! And then I’d get a tattoo of it!
(Everyone laughs and groans)
Dan: Oh my word!
Dan Reid. Photo by Evie Murphy
To be fair, I’ve actually got into the Justin Bieber track.
Colin: Yeah man! But that’s because it’s actually really written well, and actually that whole album is fucking good.
Kaan: We’re losing some serious cred here.
Kaan: “Earth Song” – Michael Jackson.
COLIN: *sings* “What have we done?”
Kaan: *sings* “Look what we’ve done.”
Colin: Oh yeah, that’s it.
Dan: Gotta be some Karnivool. “Aeons“.
Kaan: That makes you sad?
Dan: Yeah! It makes me want to have a little cry mate.
Kaan: Totes emosh.
Dan: Totes emosh.
Colin: “Happy” by Pharrell Williams.
Dan: (laughs) Nice.
Colin: “Happy” by Phar…
*Colin mimics crying and dancing, while Kaan wails in the background*
Kaan: What makes me want to dance? *sings* “Let’s Dance” *sings the tune and claps* David Bowie!
Dan: Maybe some Michael Jackson. “Beat It“.
*Kaan starts singing and clapping out the tune of “Beat It”*
(to Colin) What about you?
Colin: Oh, I’ll just stick with Pharrell Williams.
Kaan: *sings “I Believe I Can Fly”* “I Believe I Can Fly” by Michael R J Fox.
*Colin laughs hysterically*
Kaan: Na, R Kelly.
Dan: Is that really a scary song?
Kaan: Yeah man, he scares me. It’s scary.
Dan: What’s scary?
Kaan: Actually, Vildhjarta‘s music is particularly scary and harrowing.
Dan & Colin: Oh yeah, definitely.
Kaan: As well as being awesome, of course.
Colin: I know! The ending song from The Land Before Time.
Colin: It brings back traumatic memories!
Kaan: The Jurassic Bambi soundtrack.
Colin: WHEN HIS MUM DIES, MAN!
Colin: “Epic“! By Faith No More.
Kaan: Oh, you fuck.
Dan: Any Wintersun song.
Kaan: Awhhhhh! (laughs) *sings Wintersun* Mine’s gonna sound like shit now..oh no! “Transformers“! By Poison? The one from the original cartoon.
Colin: Is it Poison?!
Kaan: Doesn’t matter, it’s epic. We’re done!
Thanks for your time, guys.
Kaan: Yeah, no problem!
Colin: Always fun times with The Monolith!