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THE HELL ARE GOING ON TOUR, YOU DICK

The Hell Shitemare Before Christmas tour

WRITING ABOUT THE HELL IS A PIECE OF PISS BECAUSE THE CUNTS ARE FUCKING EVERYWHERE AT THE MOMENT, PLUS THEY WRITE ALL IN CAPS AND COPYING THAT IS THE ‘IN’ THING TO DO AND SOUNDING LIKE YOUR AVERAGE YOUTUBE COMMENTER IS FUCKING EASY. YOU CAN ALSO SWEAR A LOT.

THE HELL HAVE JUST ANNOUNCED THEY ARE PLAYING SOME LIVE SHOWS TOWARDS THE END OF THE YEAR. THIS IS A THING THAT IS HAPPENING AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO.

“WE FIGURED THAT NO CUNT WOULD WANT TO COME SEE US ON A TUESDAY NIGHT IN BUCKSTON-UPON-TYNE OR WHATEVER SO WE’RE INVITING YOU PRICKS TO COME AND PARTY WITH US OVER THREE LONG WEEKENDS.
IF YOU DON’T BRAVE THE COLD TO COME AND LOSE YOUR SHIT AT ONE OF THESE SHOWS, THERE’LL BE AN EXTRA YULE TIDE LOG TO EAT AT YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER”

SO THAT’S THURSDAY – SUNDAY FOR THREE WEEKENDS FROM THE END OF NOVEMBER TO EARLY DECEMBER. SIMPLES.

IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THEIR NEW ALBUM GROOVEHAMMER, GO READ THIS. IT BASICALLY SAYS IT’S SOMEWHERE BETWEEN A FLAWED MASTERPIECE AND THE ACRID SMELL OF YOUR DOG’S STOMACH AFTER IT’S BARFED UP THE DOG POO SANDWICH IT ATE THIS MORNING, BUT IT’S 100% LIKELY TO BE MORE FUN THAN WHATEVER OTHER BORING THING YOU’VE GOT GOING ON LIKE YOUR MUM’S BIRTHDAY OR WATCHING X-FACTOR OR WHATEVER.

“TICKETS AVAILABLE SOMEWHERE ON THE FUCKING INTERNET, YOU DICK”

Okay, that was more fun than I thought it’d be. Now I see why everyone does it. The Hell; coming soon to a small-to-medium sized venue near you, you dick.

Chris

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